Have you ever prayed that the next time you open the door, ABC’s Supernanny would be standing there? Rest assured, you are not the only one. Many parents feel overwhelmed and sometimes frustrated when their child’s behavior is – well, not what it should be.

To address this issue, two Chicago area women recently opened a parent consulting/coaching business called ABC Moms. The ABC stands for Applied Behavioral Coaching and the purpose is to empower parents with the knowledge they need to restore order into their homes.

Dana Burke and Jennifer Schuler have years of experience working with kids in hospitals, therapeutic and public schools. Schuler, a licensed clinical social worker, says that behavioral change begins with the parents.

Here are some tips on how to take control

Be consistent: “It really isn’t as much about the rules and how you set them up as it is about consistency,” says Schuler. “If you are looking to change behavior, you need to be consistent, predictable and constantly teaching and modeling the behaviors you want to see.” Schuler says that kids need to know what is expected of them, they need to know how to go about accomplishing that behavior and they need to know that there will be consequences every time they do or don’t meet expectations. “Research shows that it takes 30 days to change behavior. If bedtime is your problem and you get your child to cooperate and go to bed the first four nights and on the fifth night you give in and say ‘sure you can sleep with us,’ … the clock starts over.”

Parents as partners: Schuler says that parents must act as partners and not against each other. “If you are not on the same page … don’t agree with the way the other is approaching the issue … it can lead to lots of challenges.” Schuler says that kids are smart and pick up on things like that. “Kids like predictability and strive for consistency and structure. If the child hits his brother in front of mom and gets X consequences, but gets different ones when he hits his brother in front of dad … the child won’t know what to expect. Get everyone to sign on. No consistency, no behavior change.”

Be clear: “Make sure everyone knows the rules,” says Schuler. “And not just knows the rules, but the consequences both good and bad.” Schuler says to start with 2 to 3 very basic rules and be very clear not only what the rule is, but give examples as to how to follow the rules. “The best way to teach children basic rules is to play with them. You will be in a natural setting to teach them.” Schuler says that playing things like board games with your children give you a chance to model appropriate behavior and responses to situations. You can teach them sharing, good sportsmanship and how to handle yourself when you aren’t getting along with someone. “You help them build social skills,” she says.

Search for the “why”: Understand that not every action has the same motive. “With behavior, we tend to jump to discipline and consequences right away,” says Schuler.
“But, what we really want to do is to teach the child what is expected.” To do this, Schuler says that parents need to know why the child is behaving the way he or she is. “Parents should look not only at the behavior but what that behavior is all about.” The approach the parent then uses should be custom-made to address the issues that caused the child to act inappropriately in the first place.

Identify your family’s “bewitching hour”: “If you notice that you struggle with one particular time of the day worse than any other, you should concentrate on that part of the day,” says Schuler. Kids need structure and routine to help navigate them. If getting ready for school is the problem, give your children simple instructions that will get them through the morning. “The morning will go much smoother if the child knows ‘if I finish these three things I will have ten minutes to read a book, watch TV, or play before I have to go to school.’” Another tip Schuler gives is to break up the hours into steps. “It is important that everyone knows what to expect.”

ABC Moms Inc.

ABC Moms Inc. has clients throughout the entire Chicago area. They work with all kids - from those with everyday problems to those with special needs. They also host parenting classes. To schedule private counseling, call 630.299.4909.