She hates that cute little button nose you absolutely love. Every time she walks by a mirror she frowns. She won’t try out for cheerleading because she “just knows” that she won’t make it. You know your daughter is great ... so how come she doesn’t know it?

Girls are great, but often they just don’t realize it. Many suffer serious self-esteem issues that can hold them back from doing what they want to do. That is why Lisa Dean Niewolny, Mrs. Illinois United States 2006, has turned her sights to helping young girls everywhere find their inner beauty.

Two years ago, Niewolny started a program at the George Werden Buck Boys & Girls Club in Joliet called Girls of Greatness, produced a cable show for girls on self exploration and building self-esteem, and has now written a book on the subject for girls in fourth through eighth grades.

“These girls think that destiny is what it is,” says Niewolny. “I want to teach them it is what they make it. I want to help them find the greatness they have within.”

Niewolny says that mothers have powerful influence on their daughters and how their daughters view themselves. Here are some things she says that moms can do to feed and nurture their daughters’ hunger for acceptance:

1. Moms should be positive with their daughters. “Find at least five positive things to say to your daughter every day,” says Niewolny. “It will lift her self-esteem and if done in the morning, it will encourage her throughout the day.”

2. Make it real. When you praise you daughter, don’t throw out generic praises – “you are beautiful,” “you are awesome”, instead zone in on what is beautiful and awesome about her. “I really like how you did your hair today” ... “I liked how your project was interactive, it really drew me in,” etc.

3. Encourage your daughter to go outside her comfort zone and to try new things, even if just for a moment. “When you go out of your comfort zone, you widen your horizons, you grow stronger, and you discover something about yourself,” says Niewolny. “Your daughter doesn’t have to be good at what she tries, just the fact that she tried something that she thought she couldn’t do is enough to raise her self-esteem, enough to erase the “I can’ts” from her vocabulary and to teach her that no matter what it is ... if she really wants to ... she can.”

4. Show interest in what you daughter is interested in. Ask questions – and really be interested in the answers. Showing interest is one of the best ways to validate your daughter.

5. Hate the sin, not the sinner. If you daughter does or says something that you do not agree with, remember that our children’s actions are not always indicative of who they are or who they will become. Sometimes children (and even adults) lack good judgment. It is ok to be mad, just make sure you daughter knows it is the situation or action that you dislike – not her.

6. Always start with the positive. For example, bad grades ... “Why is it that if a child comes home with four A’s and one B, it is the B that sticks out?” asks Niewolny. Before you ask “What’s with the B?”, first concentrate on the A’s. And, when you get to that B (or C, or D, or F), give your daughter a chance to explain, a chance to come up with a solution. Chances are, she already knows how to fix it ... she just has to hear herself say it out loud first.

7. If your daughter says something negative about herself, turn it into a positive, says Niewolny. “I always tell my girls, we are created equal, but made differently. We need to embrace our unique qualities and know that they are blessings not burdens. And, take a good look in the mirror. Know that your daughter is always watching and will most likely model what she does after you. So, if you are obsessed about your weight and dieting, your daughter will grow up to be obsessed about her weight and dieting. Women with poor self-esteem raise girls with poor self-esteem.

Surround your daughter with positive thoughts about herself and the world around her and she will view both in a positive way. Teach her to reflect on herself in the positive rather than in the negative. To help moms do this, Niewolny wrote Girls of Greatness. Girls of Greatness covers everything from following your dreams, to having positive body image, good judgment, even on how to avoid the pitfalls of gossip.

“I wanted to help girls everywhere find the greatness they have within,” says Niewolny” “This book, for girls 4th through 8th grade, can be read alone or in a group. But, best of all, it can even be a great mother/daughter read.”

Speaking Engagements
Niewolny does speaking engagements throughout the Chicagoland and hosts a cable television show. If you would like to bring the Girls of Greatness program to your school or order Niewolny’s book or cable show, go to: www.LisaDeanFactor.com.