No matter what challenges you face as a mother, rest assured that you do not have to do it alone. Whether you are a single mom, the mother of multiples, or the parent of a child with special needs, there are many community support groups and online support groups that can help. And while you may feel like your situation is unique, it is highly likely that there is a support group out there filled with many other moms facing the same trials and tribulations.

Today’s mom is busy. Girls night out - it’s the first thing to go. Are friends doomed to be the next on the endangered species list? Don’t let it happen, say the experts. There is more to friendship than meets the eye.

“We live on tight schedules filled with time for kids, spouses, venues at school, sports, work, commutes and meetings. Our demanding schedules often leave little time for the seemingly “unproductive” moments spent in the company of a dear friend” says Dr. Kathleen Hall, founder and C.E.O. of The Stress Institute and author of “A Life in Balance” and “Alter Your Life: Overbooked? Overworked? Overwhelmed?” “It is important to understand the critical nature of friendship in our lives.”

Spending time with friends is not a luxury as moms tend to think, says Hall, it is an essential element in work-life balance. Without it, moms can be left feeling isolated and alone.

Colleen Deenihan says that friendship saved both her and her marriage eight years ago when she hit rock bottom. Deenihan was a 43-year-old mom, with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old. Her marriage was starting to fall apart after a failed business venture wiped out the family savings. Every day she reluctantly dropped her kids off at daycare to go to a job she hated.

“We were in the middle of losing our home,” says Deenihan. “My husband and I were barely talking. It was really bad. One day I was hot and I just got out the clippers and shaved my head completely bald. At the time I thought I did it because I was hot, now I know I was just that desperate. I had no self-esteem left, I felt worthless.”

Being an older mom, Deenihan had had a hard time finding friends to connect with. Moms her age were past bottles and toilet training and onto middle and high school issues. Moms with kids the same age as hers seemed too young to relate to.

Shortly after shaving her head, Deenihan found a local MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). She started going to meetings religiously and made strong friendships. Through these friendships she learned that she wasn’t alone and that others felt the same as she did. It was also through these friendships that Deenihan found the strength to turn her life around.

“I had always seen myself as a victim,” says Deenihan. “It was always what ‘they’ were doing to me. All of a sudden I realized that there were things I could do, that I could be in control.”

Deenihan talked more and more with fellow MOPS learning “tricks of the trade” and how to balance the stresses of life. Her and a few of the other moms formed a co-ed Wallyball group giving husbands and wives a guaranteed “date night”.

“Friendships don’t steal time from marriages, they compliment marriages,” says Deenihan who says that it was her friends at Mops who helped her find ways to make her marriage work.

When Joanne Brundage, of Elmhust, decided to stay home after the birth of her second child in 1987, she had no idea the isolation she was going to feel as she worked her way through transitioning from full-time employment to a stay-at-home status. The feelings of isolation were so strong that Brundage placed an ad in the local paper looking for other moms to connect with.

It was the birth of Mothers & More (formally known as F.E.M.A.L.E.), a national organization now serving 7,500 moms. Local chapters can be found all over the U.S. (and beyond) and are structured to support a mother as she navigates the challenges of her daily life - whether she is a full-time family caregiver or struggling to achieve a better balance between the demands of paid work and family care.

Maybe you don’t want to join a moms group. Maybe you are looking for something geared more towards you as an individual rather than your roll as a mother. Deenihan says that it doesn’t matter what group you join as long as it gives you a chance to meet people you can find a connection with. Look to your passions for direction. Love photography – think of the satisfaction you will feel sharing your photos with those who share you passion rather than a quick nod “that’s nice honey.” Like to read, call the local library and see when the next book club will start. Looking to simplify your life and live more holistically? Check out Holistic Moms Network.

There is a group out there to meet just about every interest. If you do not find one locally that meets yours, like Brundage you can always start your own. Chances are very good that there will be two or three or maybe even 7,500 other moms out there just like you.

Online resources

Mops – www.mops.org
Mothers & More – www.mothersandmore.org
Holistic Moms Network – www.holisticmoms.org