I’m tired, I didn’t sleep well. Rushing to get ready for work, get the three kids out of bed, serve breakfast, and make lunches. Have to get dressed (darn, the pants are tight, need to find something else and quick). There isn’t time to workout today—again. Now it’s time for three different schools, “what, you forgot your lunch?” What’s after school: cheerleading, a basketball game, and piano lessons … all at the same time? Don’t forget hosting the holiday dinner for family Saturday night. "How am I going to serve 16 people on my budget? I have a program at work today and I’m not prepared. Traffic is NOT what I need today. I can’t be late for work. What? I’m out of gas? Seriously, is it only 7:45am?”

Does any of this sound familiar? Are you stressed out? Does your life have control of you instead of the other way around? Here’s the good news. We can change the stress in our lives. OK, maybe we can’t change it or make life stress-free, but we can at least learn to manage it better. It is in our best interest.

Some doctors and researchers believe as much as 90 percent of health-related problems may be caused by stress. The most common negative effects of stress are listed below:

• High blood pressure
• Elevated heart rate
• Disrupted sleep
• Compromised immune system
• Increased rate of anxiety and depression
• Localized weight gain

This isn’t anything you haven’t heard before. But this time, look at it closer.

High blood pressure and elevated heart rate are indicators of cardiovascular disease. Disrupted sleep and compromised immune systems put us at risk for things from the common cold to things like the H1N1 virus. Increased rate of anxiety? We know how that affects our life. My personal favorite, localized weight gain … a.k.a. belly fat. Stress increases the production of cortisol, the hormone designed to help us get through the day. The only problem, our bodies produce extra cortisol when we are stressed, and if we don’t use it, it goes right to our belly. A Yale University study showed that women were more susceptible to stress, and ladies under more stress were more likely to store fat around their bellies. Nice.

As a life coach, I am going to suggest you take out a piece of paper and make a list of your own. When do you feel most stressed? When do you feel your blood pressure rise? What stresses you out?

• Worry about expectations at work
• Heading into the holidays with limited cash
• Getting along with kids
• Traffic
• Not exercising
• Spouse not helping out

Now you’re motivated to change the stress in your life. Where do you start? You need to develop some personal strategies to help alleviate your stress. When we go into a meeting, we have notes prepared. When our kids play their sports, they have practice over and over; when we serve the holiday dinner, we know the menu. If we want to lessen our stress and improve our health, we have to make a plan. How am I going to deal?

• Develop strategy to handle people at work who make you feel stressed
• Ask guests to contribute two items to the holiday dinner this year
• Plan car pool 10 minutes earlier
• Get up half an hour earlier to work out
• Ask husband to get groceries
• Remind yourself of the good things in life and what matters most to you

Have you heard the expression: Your best offense is a good defense? Make a plan ahead of time of how you will handle stressful situations. Your kids are going to be late. You’re not going want to get up early. You’re going to feel crabby because all of this makes you feel out of control, no matter how hard you try. It rarely works out the way you planned. This is reality and where the chronic stress comes into play. When you plan for the obstacles that will inevitably come into play, you will more likely be successful. A failure to plan can often set you up for failure.

Make changes where you do have control. For example, fill your car with gas on the weekends; when you are making dinner, make lunches and put them in the refrigerator. Have your spouse go to the grocery store once in a while. Think about it. Even if he misses one thing, you going into the store for that one thing takes less time than going in for the whole list. When people ask what they can bring to the holiday dinner, tell them an appetizer and a dessert. When your kids ask, “What are we going to do?” Don’t feel obligated to say, “Go to the coolest movie and buy overpriced snacks.” Look on the Internet together for things to do locally that are free or for a nominal fee (trust me, there are many). Learning to give up control not only alleviates stress but is very liberating. Teaching our kids that we can have quality time AND fun without spending a lot of money.

Only take on what you can control. You can’t control how the checkout person acts, you can’t control the guy in the car who budges a half of mile ahead of you, you can’t control how your kids act on a given holiday (be prepared, they aren’t going to act like you planned).

You can control how you react. Try an experiment. Smile and ask the checkout person how he is. Trust me, it will make your day. You can control how much time you spend making the holiday dinner. Try it. Don’t make any appetizers, ask family to bring them and call it a day. Holidays are about family and friends, not how tired we are when it’s ready, or how much we racked up on our credit card. If you really want to try something valuable, take a 30 minute walk outside, rain or shine, before the chaos starts, before the kids get up and you’re dressed and ready. Or get the whole family to go for a walk after dinner before dishes (they’ll still be there when you return).

You only have one life, so make it a good one. You know when your heart palpitates, when your pants are tight around the waist, or you snap at the bag boy for bouncing the apples down the conveyer belt, it’s not good for your physical or mental health. Even greater, I know how my stress affects my family. I want to be better, and I want them to have a better life ... and I know in the end, it’s not going to be about the homemade mashed potatoes or the expensive floral centerpiece. It’s going to be about the joke I made or the game I played when I was happy and enjoying the company of my family and friends.