Worry – it is as much a part of motherhood as diapers and late night feedings. Before kids, I never worried... I lived in the moment. It wasn’t until after the kids that I learned to play the “what if” game. “What if the baby gets caught up under the covers and suffocates... what if the school bus crashes... what if my kid falls into the wrong crowd because I’m working..., what if I’m not giving them everything the need... what if? Before I knew it, I was in a constant state of fear, emotionally paralyzed. Worry had won.

“We all have fear, worry and anxiety,” says Dr. Mark Reinecke, a psychologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. “These feelings are a normal and biologically based part of our survival function. But, worry is based on perception, not fact. Our level of reaction is not only gauged by the situation at hand, but by past experiences and beliefs, making the line between worry and disorder a fine one.” Reinecke says worry evolves into disorder when one magnifies the severity of a threat or overestimates the risk.

Anxiety Disorders are now the most common mental illness in the U.S. According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, anxiety disorders affect 40 million (18.1 %) of U.S. adults and women are at twice the risk. New studies done in Denmark and in California suggest the risk even higher in mothers, seven to 12 times higher.

“When we become parents, what we value most changes and caring for our child becomes the center of all we do,” says Dr. James Leckman, Director of Research Neison Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry and Pediatrics at Yale University. Leckman says that people never prone to worry before children can become anxiety- ridden when they become parents, taking on a host of disorders including Generalized Anxiety Disorder to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Phobias. “We become obsessed with making everything perfect.”

“Moms have a lot of roles –the caregiver, the wife, the homemaker, the cook, the teacher...,” says Dr. Elizabeth Gosch, Director of the MS Program in Counseling and Clinical Health Psychology for Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. “You can’t possibly be good at it all.” Gosch says this causes moms to be overwhelmed, overworked, tired and left feeling responsible for everything, whether it is in their control or not. Even worse, because the jobs moms do get little feedback or positive reinforcement, they start to question themselves and their decisions.

Dr. Deborah Rozman, author of “Transforming Anxiety” attributes unnecessary worry and anxiety to “overcare” and “over identification”. “Overcare about people, issues, things, or yourself is the most common cause of anxiety,” says Rozman.
“You become overwhelmed and out of balance.” Rozman warns that over time, left unattended, obsessive worry will become a habit.

Five ways to ward off worry

● Time out. Mommy burnout leaves you vulnerable to emotions and anxiety. Gosch says that moms need to slow down and take a hard look at what is on their plate. Scrape and delegate whatever you can – especially those things that drain you emotionally. She also suggests you find at least one thing outside the children and home that you can call your own. Remember, it’s much easier to make others happy when you are taking time out to care for yourself.

● Find your triggers and put things back into perspective. You don’t just fear what is at hand; you fear what has happened in the past. Identify your core belief, says Gosch, the underlining thought that causes you to accept or reject fact. You can not change your worry patterns until you have challenged and brought to light distorted core beliefs. Gosch suggests writing down reoccurring fears, the core beliefs behind them, and listing all possible outcomes. “You
will find that after seeing your fears in writing, many of your assumptions just don’t make sense. In time you will begin to question them.”

● Take back control. You will never rid your life of every unpleasant situation, says Rozman. But, learning relaxation and coping skills will enable you to prevent them from getting out of hand. Rozman suggests that when you are faced with a stressful situation, try to put your emotions into neutral. This will give you a chance to regroup and enable you to look at the situation clearly. Books like Rozman’s “Transforming Anxiety” or “The Sedona Method” by Hale Dwoskin can give you the tools you need to do this and uncover peace. In addition, learning techniques such as journaling, meditation, mindful living, yoga and Pilates can give you what you need to maintain your new peaceful attitude.

● When you can’t do it alone, don’t. Find support systems in your circle of friends and family. But, don’t be afraid to seek professional support in you find you can’t do this alone. There also are medications available that can help. While they won’t “cure” you, they may be able to give you the distance from the physical affects of anxiety that you will need to address it.

● This isn’t just your problem. Remember, not getting help doesn’t necessary mean you are suffering in silence. Your kids are watching and developing the very core beliefs that will guide them as adults. And that in itself is a very good reason to confront your problem and find a workable solution. In the end, it will benefit the entire family.